it may anger you as you try to understand what they are so upset about, and it could seem entirely illogical, but to that individual, it makes all the sense in the world. if you are an individual who is not entirely emotionally connected, understanding the heavy relation to emotion may be a complication, and cause you to be cold-hearted towards your loved one who is struggling. in response to the overwhelming emotions and the distance they sense from you, they may give you a harsh silent treatment as a defense mechanism. it may be a way to blame you, and make you reliable for their feelings, which is not your responsibility. it could be a tactic to get you to come to them, as they may feel that they always come to you. the may feel that they have been cheated, or that they made a mistake by bringing you into their life. their silent treatment could be their time to reflect on the situation and come up with a final decision, or get you to come to them with an apology and an offer to be more trustworthy. we may be evaluating your behaviour to our rejection of communication.
in the future, we may use it against you as well. in situations of stress or high tension, possibly with discomfort, we may dissociate and no longer be mentally present. we may not be in control of our reactions, nor realize what we are doing. it is written in the disorder that we are terrified of abandonment and may abandon ship when we think we are about to be abandoned. it could very well be perceived as the silent treatment, when in reality, it is us abandoning you first. we take it and disappear without a word, leaving you stunned in our mess. in the end, we all want to feel like we matter. whether we’re testing you, are being defensive or want you to come to us, our silent treatment is valid to us, and we need it to be understood by you. stress that they matter to you, and try to be present in their life as much as you, especially when they need it.
the best known and recognized style of many with bpd is that of the “acting out” or raging borderline. however for both the raging acting out borderline and the quiet borderline – the acting in borderline at the centre of their rage is feeling/perceiving or fearing abandonment, feeling/perceiving invalidation. it is the epitome of broken mutuality. primarily, at the centre of the silent treatment is a feeling of power. it is the abuse of intimidation too.
it is a weapon. it is the abdication of personal responsibility and the heart of the betrayal that is the cornerstone of the toxic dysfunctional “love” of the borderline false self. the quiet borderline is no exception to this. for the quiet borderline, the “acting in” borderline, in his or her passive-aggressive style of pulling and manipulating for control, the silent treatment is the ultimate abdication of personal responsibility. specializes in: session info and policies how i work with clients quick links to help navigate this site.
the silent treatment is more common in narcissism. when someone with bpd goes silent, it is not to punish the other person or to feel in control. it is because it gives them a feeling of control to have you saying hey how’s it going and they can ignore you because you made them upset. it’s about control anger & hurt. a diagnosed bpd individual will sense emotions much more harshly than someone who does not struggle with a mental illness, and in, bpd ignoring texts, bpd ignoring texts, bpd and being ignored, bpd stonewalling, bpd cruel discard.
in quiet bpd, instead of confronting them or bursting out in rage, you shut down. you may disappear, ignore the offender, unfriend them on social media, or give them the silent treatment. if you don’t give others a chance to explain or to try and mend the relationship, they may not even be aware of what has happened. borderline personality | the silent treatment & the quiet borderline ebook: “the shadows & echos of self – false self in bpd” the silent treatment is a very narcissistic example of the lack of emotional regulation of the borderline. in fact, by giving you, the non 6. give people the “silent treatment” “i just go silent, don’t speak for as long as it takes for someone to notice something is wrong, what happens when you leave a borderline, quiet bpd favorite person, borderline silence, quiet bpd and romantic relationships.
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